This was my life before arthritis. My Decembers were filled with so many concerts I didn't have time to breathe. I directed several, performed in some, and observed others. As my kids started getting older they started having concerts too. On Friday I went to one of the concerts I used to direct, Melody Makers, two large children's choirs at my kids' elementary school. I turned the baton over to a new director two and a half years ago and she vows this will be her last year. I'm getting pressure to direct once again. My heart wants to. My body knows it can't. It makes me sad. I want my old life back. I want to be that power woman once again who juggled a million things at once, who tackled the music world head on. I want to organize and direct concerts. I want to perform again. I want my body to have more than 8 hours each day to get things done. I hate that I've turned into one of those "incapable" people. I want to scream "THIS IS NOT THE REAL ME!".